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Punching People in the Head
Over many years, people have had to resort to punching their fellow man in the head. Why, you ask? Because over these years, it has inspired man to either work better and faster or punch back in order to not work better and faster. Either way, it has ensured our continued survival.
However, in these early days of the 21st century, it appears that the method of punching people in the head is being phased out by more advanced techniques such as 'verbal warnings', 'legal action' and 'nut-kicking machines'. Surely, this it is a sad reflection on modern society when you punch someone in the head and are met with one of the three aforementioned occurrences.
In some circles, it is still deemed acceptable to punch someone in the head. For those less familiar with the concept of punching someone in the head, here is a short guide to situations where it may be appropriate to 'throw the punch'.
- The person you wish to punch (hereafter known as the 'punchee') has called you names.
- The punchee has a better job than you.
- The punchee is talking about eating some pills to discover the origins of the universe or some crazy nonsense like that.
- The punchee persists in singing techno music at 3AM.
- The punchee possesses the belly cheese that really stinks from more than a 10.3ft distance.
- The punchee frankly deserves it.
But what if you have the gross misfortune to be the punchee in question? This perplexed researchers for centuries until the concept of 'dodging the punch' was invented. Simply put, it is possible to evade receiving a punch to the head through a series of loopholes known as 'getting out of the way', 'evasion tactics' and 'not getting punched in the head'. In case you do indeed 'put your foot in "it"', the guide below may be useful:
(N.B.: It is NOT advisable to read this guide whilst you are in the process of being punched in the head or evading a punch in the head. Furthermore, we advise you not to operate electrical machinery at any point during this guide. Hitherto, stay away from my bins)
- Sidestep the punch.
- Duck the punch.
- Use a duck on the person in question.
- Scream.
- Giggle.
- Wear a helmet. And not one of those sissy one that only cover the top of your head. I'm talkin' about those full ones that knights used in 2300B.C.!
- Move to Limbo.
If in any doubt about any the content of this article, it is generally better to punch someone in the head and run away whilst they bewilderingly work out who punched them and why they were punched. With any luck, they may get so confused that little more will happen than them feeling the need to bet on the next horse with 42-1 odds.