Location

By definition, a location is someplace where things happen. However, there are exceptions to every rule. Sometimes, nothing ever happens somewhere but nevertheless it is a location. Let's examine some of those locations more closely.

Windswept Plains

The Oklahoma Panhandle

I have reason to believe people live here. Just look at the map, there's all manner of place names shown there

Peachy Keen

The Georgia Nipple

Trapped between the Okefinokee National Wildlife Refuge and the Osceola National Forest hangs a sad little teat of land.

What do your elf eyes see?

New Zealand

Now I know what you're thinking. It's a whole country! Surely things happen there! They filmed those movies there, didn't they?

Ah, yes, but you forget: Movies aren't real, and for our purposes non-real things happening don't count.

Well, not just that, though, wasn't there news about something? Didn't something newsworthy happen there? I feel like there was a story about something.

Did it? Despite "Newz" being right there in the name I can find no evidence of anything ever happening in Newz Ealand. And even if you did find a purported Newz article can we really be sure it's telling the truth? After all, New Zealand is so very far away from everyone else on Earth, surely no story from such a remote place can arrive to us intact.

Get away from it all

Point Nemo

All right, now we're talking. Point Nemo is the so-called "most remote place on earth" at the center of a 1,670 mile circle in the south pacific. There is only one thing you can do here: leave.

Outer Space as viewed from Outer Space

Outer Space

According to Astronomers, stuff is happening in Outer Space all the time. Solar flares and exoplanets and space probe landings and comets and cupids and donners and blitzens. But have you ever seen what Astronomers do? They take weird devices on spindly legs and they use them to beam strange rays from the deep beyond directly into their minds! Or worse, they force this torture on innocent machines! Can we trust their judgement?

Even worse, if you press an astronomer on any of their so-called events, they'll admit what they've seen happened days, months, or years ago. They claim the distances of space are so vast that almost everything you look at happened in the long-forgotten past. Get an astronomer drunk and they might admit to looking so far into the depths that they see the first thing that ever happened. Nothing they say can be trusted.