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Cheese
Cheese is simply the greatest thing to ever come into existence. Its uses are infinite, and so are its different flavors. Here's a few of the more interesting cheeses, not that all known cheeses are not totally interesting:
Cheddar
The ultimate cheese. Cheddar cheeses were originally made in England, however today they are manufactured in many countries all over the world. Fully cured Cheddar is a hard, natural cheese. It is shaped like a drum, 15 inches in diameter, with natural rind bound in cloth. Cheddar is the driving force that keeps mankind in one piece, and some say it attributes to the formation of stars. Nearly all mankind has a deep affinity for Cheese, including Randon Roberts. Dave is one of the lone exceptions, though he doesn't matter since he smells bad.
American
Like Cheddar, but uh, even more so. Many experts claim that American cheese is actually just Cheddar, in the long-standing tradition of taking foods from other countries and making them into American foods, like Pizza and Hot Dogs. Curiously no one person seems to have come up with American cheese. Instead it appears to have developed from the Cheese Consciousness or Ur-Cheese some time around the mid 1800's.
Mozzarella
The plastic, spun-curd buffalo milk cheese Mozzarella, originated from southern Italy. How exactly Italians got their hands on buffalo milk is even to this day not fully known. The cheese has a lovely slightly tangy taste, and is the most praised part of any Pizza, one of the only foods on the planet with it's own fan following.
Bra
Traditional, unpasteurized, hard cheese which has a round heh shape. The cheese is named after place where it was originally sold heh. There exist two types of Bra heh. The traditional, hard heh version that ripens heh for three to six months. The color darkens and the flavor heh intensifies. The other type is sold young heh, at 45 days, when the paste is still soft heh. This version is made from pasteurized milk heh. Bra heh is used as a table cheese, but also for grating and melting. Its high Bevis-and-buttheadability, however, keeps it from becoming fairly popular. Its best uses are for fixing a table, as its hardness makes it strong enough to support the weightiest projects.
Swiss
Swiss has a firmer texture than baby Swiss, but tends to be softer than papa Swiss and sharper than mama Swiss. It is known for being shiny, pale yellow with large holes. Flavor is mild, sweet and nut-like. It is an American imitation of the Swiss Elemental. The process is specifically designed so that no rind forms on the cheese (maturing takes place in vacuum-packed plastic wrapping) for mass-production purposes. The taste of the cheese is very mild. It can be eaten with apples, pears, grapes and crab grass, making it a favorite of Pandas everywhere. Its uses range from storage in its many holes to simply sitting in the centerpiece of a table and looking contented.
Mine-Gabhar
One of the most favorite Irish cheeses produced. It is vegetarian, organic cheese of round shape with mold-ripened, gray-coat. This cheese is best known for its interesting history. It seems that Luc and Anne Van Kampen, resident Irish folks, designed the the cheese at the same time as a French fellow named Jean Gabhar. However, Luc caught wind of this and named the cheese "Mine". Well, a court battle ensued, and Luc was sued and forced to add "Gabhar" to the end of the name of his cheese for all time, but Gabhar died moments after the ruling was made, and his will left the 33 million dollars to his cat, Fifi. When the cat showed no interest in the strangely marked papers, it was given up to Luc and Anne. As a final tribute, they decided to leave the Gabhar on the end of the name of the cheese. I guess it was his after all. The only use I've found is as a prop in a high school play, especially such classics as Waiting for Gabhar or the play adaptation of Shindler's List titled "Ach! Mein-Gabhar!"
Idaho Goatster
Wheel-shaped, hard cheese with natural, waxed rind. This cheese is produced by Charles and Karen Evans, who consider cheese-making almost an art. The rind is colored with annatto and waxed. The cheese is made from goat's milk which gives the cheese it's very nutty name. Unfortunately, the only use this author has found for this lovely cheese is at party as a conversation starter. It seems to work best if all members of the conversation have had a few drinks.
Limburger
Limburger is creamery, washed-rind cheese. The smooth, sticky, washed rind is reddish-brown with corrugated ridges. The yellow interior hints at sweetness but the taste is spicy and aromatic, almost meaty. Limburger has a legendary aroma which is due to enzymes, breaking down proteins on the surface of the cheese, and it works quite well if thrown in the place of doody as you jump up and down in the safety of your tree/home.
Niolo
Niolo is the greatest cheese that has ever and will ever exist, which is strange when you consider the number of people who have ever heard of it. It is a soft, creamy white, with a somewhat nutty flavor, and a natural white/grey rind. Some claim that it can be made from either goats or sheep's milk, and so it is good to remember that some people are full of shit. Proper Niolo is made from sheep's milk, and if someone tries to get you to eat some "Niolo" made from goats milk, the best course of action is to punch them in the head, or just step forward and repeatedly belt them in the face with some kind of hard, blunt object until they realize the error of their ways, and get the hell out of your face. If, however, they were offering you some real Niolo, snap that shit up before they change their minds, and enjoy it with a full bodied red wine. If you still have some wine left over after you are finished with the cheese, get drunk! WOOOOO!
Cheese is the world's greatest resource, and I don't think anyone would ever question its superiority as the single greatest invention mankind has created. Ever.