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Padiddle
Padiddle is a game played in the car. Now wait a minute! Listen for a second. It's actually quite fun. More fun, in fact, than your standard car game. It is centered around a scavenger-hunt theme. All the players in the game must look for cars with one headlight out, or as it is referred to in game terms, a "Padiddle". Upon finding one, they yell out "Padiddle!" This must be confirmed by at least one other player, unless the players all know each other quite well and trust one another. What happens at this point is up to the version of the game you are playing.
The Padiddle Ruling Council
The Padiddle Ruling Council live on a lofty peak high in the Smokey Mountains of North Carolina. Inside their ancient fortress they rule on various Padiddle-related subjects, such as new rules. Under the Padiddle Ruling Council are the Padiddle-Wraiths, creatures cloaked in night that serve their masters with undying devotion. It is these wraiths that are the ultimate enforcers of Padiddle. Cheaters in Padiddle are invariably visited by one of these frightening apparitions. Then generally bad things happen.
For an official Padiddle Rules brochure, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to
Game Types
Ultra-Violent Padiddle
In Ultra-Violent Padiddle, after seeing a padiddle and yelling out the appropriate word, the spotter gains the right to punch the person next to him or her. In this version, the following rules also apply:
There are no such things as double-padiddles, that is a car with two headlights not turned on. Speaking of Double-padiddles means the speaker is obliged to be hit once by each member of the car. Rule 5 does not apply in this situation.
A motorcycle that is incorrectly claimed as a padiddle means that the claim must be recalled and the punch wiped off. Failure to do so means that the spotter is obliged to be punched back by the recipient of the punch. An exception to this rule is that if a motorcycle does indeed have two headlights that are very close together, and one of them is out, it counts as a padiddle.
Lying about a padiddle means instant death. This is usually accomplished by grabbing the head of the liar and twisting vigorously. Lying about a Padiddle not only means falsely claiming that the player saw a padiddle, but also stating that another player was lying about a padiddle when a padiddle was seen.
Creation of artificial Padiddles is allowable. This can be accomplished by several means, including but not limited to firearms, fender-benders, rocks, or other large objects.
If a player punches with extreme fervor, especially when the punch recipient is the driver, the player is obliged to receive a punch of equal or lesser strength, or, when the driver is the recipient the player is obliged to be severely injured or killed in the resulting accident.
A car is required to play Padiddle. All other rules apply while outside the car, but no called Padiddles count towards the spotter.
Poking someone in the eye and yelling "Padiddle" is strictly prohibited and punishable by death. If the driver is poked in the eye, they are obliged to kill all passengers as quickly as possible. Usually this comes naturally.
If the car in which the game takes place is a padiddle, it can be counted as a Padiddle only once per game.
Passive-Aggressive Padiddle
In Passive-aggressive Padiddle, instead of hitting other people, the target is the ceiling. This is nice, because it results in less bruises.
There are no such things as double-padiddles, that is a car with two headlights not turned on. Speaking of Double-padiddles means that the speaker is obliged to receive mental scarring of greater damage than any physical suffering.
A motorcycle that is incorrectly claimed as a padiddle means that the claim must be recalled. The exception as per Ultra-Violent Padiddle applies.
Lying about a padiddle means eventual death. This is usually accomplished by second-hand smoke or slow poisoning by other means. Lying about a Padiddle not only means falsely claiming that the player saw a padiddle, but also stating that another player was lying about a padiddle when a padiddle was seen.
Creation of artificial Padiddles is allowable, but the target may only be the car in which the game takes place. This can be accomplished by any of the means of Ultra-Violent Padiddle.
Any physical damage to the car caused by punching the ceiling may be repaid by equal or lesser damage to the spotter's own car, or an object of equal or greater value to the spotter.
A car is required to play Padiddle. All other rules apply while outside the car, but no called Padiddles count towards the spotter, due to a lack of car ceilings.
Geese are not padiddles.
Tournament-Rules Padiddle
This is an excellent form of padiddle when a winner needs to be quickly and definitively determined. In it, the first person to gain five points is the winner. Points are determined as such:
- Two-axled Padiddle
- 1 point
- More than two-axled Padiddle
- 2 points
- Police vehicle of any kind Padiddle
- 5 points
- Motorcycle incorrectly claimed as padiddle
- -1 point
- Motorcycle Padiddle Exception (see above)
- 2 points
- Lying about a Padiddle
- -5 points
When claiming a Padiddle, it is unnecessary to hit anything. The spotter must simply say "Padiddle". In fact, rough physical contact of any kind is punishable by a deduction of two points.
There are no such things as double-padiddles, that is a car with two headlights not turned on. Speaking of Double-padiddles is a deduction of one point.
For longer trips or fewer players, the winning score can be raised higher than five points. In the same way, for short trips or many players, the score can be lower than five. In either case, the score must be decided upon by all players before play may start.
Creation of artificial Padiddles is not allowed, and is punishable by a subtraction of points equal to the point value of the vehicle made into a Padiddle.
Padiddle Elimination
This is a dangerous game on the same level as Tournament Padiddle. All players start with five points. When a spotter claims a Padiddle, he gets two options. Either he can add one point to his score, or he can choose a different player, and the point value of the Padiddle (As per Tournament Padiddle) is subtracted from their total. When a player's score reaches zero, he is eliminated.
In very large groups, an alternate form of game play is advised: When a padiddle is claimed, the spotter's score is increased by one, and EVERYONE else's score is reduced by one. When only two people are left, the game switches to standard Elimination rules.
A Motorcycle that is claimed as a padiddle simply doesn't count, unless it meets the criteria for motorcycles as per the other Padiddle variants.
Lying about a padiddle results in the player being immediately ejected from the vehicle. Lying about a Padiddle not only means falsely claiming that the player saw a padiddle, but also stating that another player was lying about a padiddle when a padiddle was seen.
Creation of artificial Padiddles is not allowed, and is punishable by immediate elimination.
Strip Padiddle
It has come to the attention of the Padiddle Ruling Council that certain hot-blooded youths play a variation of Padiddle where every time a Padiddle is called everyone except the caller must remove an article of clothing. The Padiddle Ruling Council finds this variation quite distasteful and an affront to what Padiddle is all about. However, they have released a set of rules to make it as fun and safe as possible.
This Padiddle is generally played in teams, usually Guys vs. Girls if the teams will be relatively even.
Participation is mandatory. There are two exceptions to the rule, one of which is the driver, who may elect to put off disrobing while the vehicle is in motion. However, at any likely stop light or stop sign, the driver must render him or herself nude to the level of the rest of his or her team. Also, at any point a vote to pull over and disrobe may be enacted. The other is Justin Richards, who loves to be disrobed 24/7.
The claimer has the final say in which particular article of clothing is to be removed. The article must be removed by the wearer. If the wearer is especially reluctant team members may assist him or her.
Socks, glasses, jewelry, hats, and other accessories do not count as clothing.
Vehicles with more than two axles are worth a number of clothing articles equal to the number of axles divided by two.
A team running low on clothes or feeling drafty may elect to clothe themselves rather than disrobe the enemy team. This decision must be unanimous, however. Any dissent causes the action to default to the enemy team removing clothing.
When a team finds themselves entirely disrobed one of three things may happen, usually by agreement at the beginning of the game: The game can be declared over and both teams can be restored to full clothedness (after a moment for the winning team to enjoy the view, of course). The game can be declared over and both teams can retain their current state of undress for the rest of the ride. Or, the teams can continue playing as before, using Rule 6 to full effect to keep the game in motion.
Lying about a Padiddle results in the player being completely disrobed and either immediately ejected from the vehicle, or molestation. (This should also be agreed upon at the beginning, but if not, it can be decided with a vote by every player except the offending one when it comes up.) Lying about a Padiddle not only means falsely claiming that the player saw a Padiddle, but also stating that another player was lying about a Padiddle when a Padiddle was seen.
Creation of artificial Padiddles is not allowed, and is punishable by the removal of one article of clothing.
Foolish Apocryphal Ramblings
The following is a bunch of stuff not officially sanctioned by the Padiddle Ruling Council. Use of these rules is hereby not protected under the Great Padiddle Covenant of 1965, nor the Padiddle Peace Treaty of 1983, and as such the Padiddle Ruling Council cannot be petitioned to rule on disagreements for games that practice these dark arts.
Hummer Padiddle
If your are running low on Padiddle points, additional points are earned by Hummers. Depending on which Hummer it is, determines the amount of points. Hear is a list:
- Hummv (H1)
- 3 points
- H2
- 2 points
- H3
- 1 point
- Hummer Limo (alternately "Hummo")
- Victory or traded for different values such as 10 points, 5 Punches, Fully re-clothed, or fully de-clothed enemies.
Padunkle
A Padunkle is if a tail light is out. Calling a Padunkle earns you 1 point.
Padunkle or Padunkler
A Padunkle is a plus for the driver. If they see a head light out or a tail light out through the rear view mirror can call "Padunkle" they can earn 1 point.
Dom's Car
Once upon a time there lived a person known as Mr. Mean but everybody was to scared to call him by his name so we all called him Dom. He drove around a Mercury Cougar and since he was so powerful because of his meanness, he decided to put himself in the Padiddle game.
If you call "Dom Car" when you see a Mercury Cougar, you will earn yourself a whopping 4 points.
Take Out Car
Have you ever noticed people driving around in cars with signs on them saying follow me to "so and so's restaurant"? Well they aren't just delivering pizza or Chinese to stoners, they are also delivering 2 points to whoever calls "Take Out Car!"