Relieve your bowels

You feel an overwhelming urge to "go" so take this opportunity to do so.

What happens next is excruciatingly painful and frankly quite gross, so we'll skip over it. What matters is it ends with a satisfying plop and a loud clunk.

After you've finished ministering to your abused anus you inspect the results. It's exactly as you expected. There in the bottom of the bowl lies an enormous 24k solid gold turd.