Try to explain calmly and rationally to the Tofu God

"Now now," you would have said, "There's no reason to get hasty. You were the one what bit Johnny in half after all, All I did was place him in your mouth. You can't blame me for something you did yourself."

This is what you would have said had the horrible Tofu god's horrible eye-beams not horribly burnt you to a horrible, horrible crisp.